Community: Pivotal Moments/Pivotal People

C.H.E.C.K Ya Self 5/6

HIGHLIGHT

The last 11 months have been the most difficult season of my life. I’ve spoken before about nearly dying, but today I want to give you a better picture.

On June 1st, I fell critically ill. For ten days, doctors ran test after test trying to piece together what was happening. By the end, the diagnosis was overwhelming: acute chest syndrome, hypoxic respiratory failure, avascular necrosis in both hips, pulmonary emboli, a full-blown sickle cell crisis, and thrombocytosis. Later, they discovered my heart was enlarged and my lungs were permanently scarred.

If you’re curious, feel free to Google how many of those are potentially fatal.

But the battle wasn’t just physical. The mental war was just as brutal. I’ve carried the psychological weight of chronic illness for years, but over the past few months, the pressure has intensified. Between chronic fatigue and mood-altering medications, there have been days when I’ve felt like I’m swaying on the edge of depression.

And yet, I’ve kept going. Not because every day is easy—most aren’t. But I move. Some days I march. Other days I crawl. But I move. People often ask me, “Dario, how do you keep going?”
My answer is simple:

1. The grace of God.

2. Community.

Let’s talk about community.

I’m surrounded by a group of people who would move heaven and earth for me—literally. People whose commitment to my well-being sometimes exceeds my own energy to fight. Family. Friends. People who just keep showing up.

My wife, Lyn, once told me that one of the scariest moments during my hospital stay was when the doctors said they needed to sedate me to prevent a heart attack or stroke. Up to that point, she had held it together. But in that moment, when I slipped into unconsciousness, the room felt much lonelier and the gravity of the situation was magnified.

Then Imran walked in—one of the anchors in my community.

He didn’t come with answers. He came with presence. And that was enough.When I eventually woke up, disoriented and groggy, the first face I saw wasn’t a nurse. It wasn’t a doctor. It was Imran.

That’s community.

And as I look back over my life, I’ve noticed a pattern:
Every pivotal moment has been marked by pivotal people.

INSIGHT

There’s a lot that could be said about what makes a strong community. But there’s one quality that rises above the rest: Surround yourself with people who genuinely have your best interest at heart.

These are people whose motives you never have to second-guess. Even when they challenge you, you know it’s to sharpen, not shame. You trust them—not because they’re perfect, but because their posture is pure. Trust is the currency of community and it only grows in environments where hearts are safe, even if the words sometimes sting.

To build that kind of community, I’ve found three pillars to be essential:

1. ALIGN – Choose the Right People

Before you build deep relationships, you have to build with the right people. Alignment is about surrounding yourself with those who support your values, stretch your thinking, and sharpen your vision.

Three types of relationships to intentionally cultivate:

1. Mentors (10+ Years Ahead)

Goal: Pull You

One of the most pivotal voices in my life has been my mentor. In the foggiest seasons, he’s been like a lighthouse in the midst of dark seas—offering clarity, perspective, and direction. A mentor isn’t your savior; they’re a guide. They’ve walked the road, and they shine light so you can see just a little further down yours. Mentors are not magicians. They don’t have all the answers. But they do have perspective. And in a world that moves fast and changes even faster, perspective is priceless.

2. Peer Mentors (Walking Beside You)

Goal: Press You

Imran, who I mentioned earlier, is a peer mentor—one of a few. Peer mentors are the ones who keep you honest. They stretch you, mold you, and reflect your shared values. These are the people behind quotes like, “You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.” Choose them slowly. Intentionally. Carefully. Peer mentors are mirrors. They reflect not just who you are, but who you’re becoming.

3. Mentees (5 to 10 Years Behind You)

Goal: Push You

Mentees push you. They remind you that your story isn’t just for you. That your pain, your growth, and your perspective can become someone else’s light house. They need your light—and that need pushes you to show up, lead well, and make your experience count.

Align with these three groups. Be intentional. Be discerning. And remember: it’s not about quantity but quality. So align intentionally. Choose people who inspire you to rise higher, not just feel comfortable. Remember: community isn’t just about connection—it’s about growth.

2. ACCOUNTABILITY – Commit to Vulnerability

Alignment alone is not enough. If you want true growth, you must invite accountability—not just tolerate it.

Too often we think of accountability as something external, people “checking up on us” or “catching” our slip-ups. But that’s a shallow version. Real accountability is not something others do to you. It’s something you choose for yourself.

True accountability is voluntary exposure. It is an intentional choice to expose our deepest pain and insecurities in hope of receiving necessary insight, to be who we say we are and do what we say we will do.This level of honesty can only happen in community where trust is high and judgment is low. That’s why alignment is a prerequisite, because we’re only vulnerable in spaces that feel safe.

Ways to practice real accountability:

• Schedule regular check-ins—not just during crises.

• Be honest about goals, temptations, patterns, and progress.

• Invite feedback before you fail, not just after.

Accountability isn’t about being caught—it’s about being kept.
Kept focused. Kept aligned. Kept becoming.

3. ACTIVITY – Create Shared Experiences

This might surprise you, but activity is one of the most underrated ways to deepen community. Why? Because relationships grow stronger when they’re not just talking—but doing. Shared activity creates shared memory. And shared memory builds relational momentum. You don’t build deep friendships in theory—you build them through:

Practical ways to build deeper bonds:

• Volunteer together

• Take a short trip or retreat

• Launch a project

• Host a monthly dinner

• Dream out loud and build something from scratch

Community becomes real in the trenches, not just at the table.
Relationships are like muscles—they grow through movement.

IGNITE

Make one meaningful move.

Community doesn’t grow from comfort. It grows from courage.
And the most courageous thing you can do this week? Move first.

Here’s how:

• Reach out to someone you’ve been meaning to connect with. A mentor, a peer, or someone younger who could benefit from your voice.

• Be simple but sincere. No need for perfection—just authenticity.

• Make a clear ask. Suggest a time, place, or way to connect. Coffee, a call, a walk, a quick Zoom.

Action Step:
Before the end of today, send one message—text, voice note, or email—to someone who matters, or someone who should matter more.

Don’t wait for the perfect moment. Be the moment.

Because community doesn’t happen by chance.
It’s built—one intentional connection at a time.